Readings — From the December 2014 issue

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From blog posts on Paladin of Jihad offering advice for Western Muslims preparing to migrate (or “make hijra”) to Syria and Iraq to join the Islamic State.

Make sure you have a phone with you. Please don’t attempt to make hijra if your parents confiscated your phone.

Travel light! You will regret bringing that big photo album, or your Xbox. You can learn to play some other kind of Call of Duty here, trust me.

Addressing sisters specifically: Please do not neglect your fitness level. Running while carrying a kid (little mujahid(a), inshallah) is no easy task. Also, you will definitely look more pleasing in the eyes of your husband if you are in great shape! (#MoistMoment)

Gyms are places where bodies get uncovered, bodies are ogled, bodies are worshipped. Are those places appropriate for you to prepare yourself for such an honorable journey? Unless you go to a segregated gym of some sort, it’s VERY difficult for you to lower your gaze.

I suggest that you try finding out ways to practice doing number ones and number twos (#EuphemismWatch) without having recourse to a conventional sit-down toilet. Use rocks, leaves, straw, or anything permissible by sharia (bones and dung are not permissible), and avoid using luxuries such as wet wipes and toilet paper.

As sad and strange as it might be, you will find some brothers here who are just not nice. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that they’re downright nasty but it’s just that they don’t exude any niceness in the least. You will rarely find them smiling a genuine smile.

What to pack in your suitcase: long johns, knives, nail clippers, hand lotion, sewing kit, spork.

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